One Successful Intervention in Bullying

by Bonnie Kimpling-Kelly

 

     A few years ago, my son was attending a private, Christian school. We had him enrolled there due to the low student: teacher ratios and he was doing much better in this setting than he had in the public school.

     One day, toward the end of the year, he came home and started crying, telling me “all the kids in the third grade think I’m trash” (he was in the third grade at the time). I probed and probed but couldn’t get any information from him on why he felt that way. He was very frustrated and unable to articulate why he felt that way, just that “they do, they do think I’m trash”. 

     I kept probing daily, but was getting no where until one day he came home and told me that two of the boys put him up against the wall and were spanking him. He was telling them to stop and they wouldn’t. Come to find out, this was at the end of the day, when the teacher has the kids loading up their backpacks and preparing to go home. At this time, the teacher’s back is turned and she is checking her email for important announcements from the administration.

     Initially, I was very upset, of course and then when I calmed down and thought about it; I know his teacher; she’s a sweetheart and cares very much for her students. Somehow these bullies are savvy enough to get past her radar. It was then that I used the advice of the great educational consultant, Richard Lavoie and made a plan to “prepare the child for the situation and the situation for the child”.

     Knowing what I know about bullies, I knew if my son told on them, there could be retribution. So, instead, we designed a way for him to draw attention to the situation that he was comfortable with and that would keep him from getting in trouble for “lashing out” at them. The plan was that the next time this happened, he was to say in a loud, firm voice, “Stop! Don’t touch me!” This way the teacher could turn and catch them in the act herself.

     Then, I went in early and talked to his teacher. Knowing that I had to approach carefully so she didn’t feel accused of improper supervision, or failure to act,  I was very delicate. I told her that there was a situation happening in her class and that the students were taking advantage of a time when she had her back turned. I reassured her that I knew she was unaware of the issue and that I knew she would put a stop to it. I told her of the plan that my son and I had prepared and she liked that idea.

     Sure enough, a day’s end, the scenario played out and the teacher caught them in the act. It worked out perfectly and the boys were disciplined appropriate. The boys got the message that he was not a “tattle-tale” and yet, he wasn’t going to put up with them. Not all situations work out so well or have such easy solutions, but I wanted to share this in hopes that it will give others one approach to handling bullying.